It happened again today. Some random guy asked me where my
husband was and called me a liar when I admitted to not even having a
boyfriend. It happened yesterday and the day before. I can only assume the
question will constantly be put in front of me. Every time, though, I have to
question why? Why is it so hard for people to believe that I am single? And,
that I’m happy about that? Why am I “incomplete” without a boyfriend or
husband? Why is part of my identity being based on my relationship status?
Ethiopians may be more blunt about asking the questions, but from recent
letters with a good friend in the States, it is clear these pressures are
everywhere. This blog is written to inform people that we truly are blessedly
single.
One
doesn’t have to look far into the American and Ethiopian culture to recognize
this attitude. Most Disney princesses are portrayed as damsels in distress and
in need of a man next to them. Snow White sings her life ambition in “someday
my prince will come.” Pop culture and music reflect this also with lyrics like
“She was sitting all alone over on the tailgate tan legs swinging by the
Georgia plate. I was looking for her boyfriend thinking no way she didn’t have
one.” (Luke Bryan “Play it Again”) that
makes the assumption beautiful women must be in relationships. People magazine spends most of its time
commenting on relationships then on advertisement. Common expressions of “Did
you get his number?”, “He’s/She’s cute!” and “When it’s your turn…” are
muttered through affection, but still point out that a relationship should and
could happen soon. While young marriage is more common and insisted upon in
Ethiopia, there are still expectations to have an engagement ring by the time
one graduates college. The world we all live in holds onto the expectations
that happiness and purpose are (almost) always found with a boyfriend or ring
on one’s finger.
However,
we do not live according to the world’s standards. Paul writes that being single
is a blessing! (I Cor. 7:7-8). It is preferred even so that we can fully
concentrate and rely on God.
God
has plans for all of us. Plans that are unique to His purpose for His unique
children. Some plans involve boyfriends, fiancés, marriage and babies sooner
then others. That’s not bad, just how God needs it to be. As for my friend and
I, if we would have gotten married or into any serious relationship during or
after college we would never have done a multitude of things that have helped us
develop as Christ needed us to be. I wouldn’t have done Peace Corps and battled
a long long-distance relationship. We are both happy right where God wants us
to be and we DO NOT need a man by our sides to further God’s kingdom. God can
and is using us just as we are. We are able to completely focus on becoming the
women of God that He created us to be. We can focus on becoming the type of
wives men would want and children need. We can focus on the work God wants us
to be doing. Single but on fire for Him! The world may think we are diseased or
cursed, but God points out our blessings.
Many
people are happy in relationships. Many people have found “their one true
love.” Many people are starting families of their own. But that’ doesn’t mean
everyone is at that place in their lives. There are many people who are living
God’s calling for their lives single. There are many people, who are old
enough, who don’t have a ring or had an ultrasound. There are many people
cooking meals for one. All have the right to be happy. So instead of asking us
why we don’t have something, ask us about what we do have. We have a purpose;
drive to follow God’s call in our lives. We have happiness.
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