Recently while I was waiting
for a bus to fill, I stumbled upon an old text message conversation. When my
Dad came to visit me this summer, he left me his old iphone to use for music on
buses and runs. Besides the throw back music I haven’t listened to in ages, it
also had text 723 conversations between the two of us ranges from July 14, 2013 to June 25, 2014. The 11 months before Peace Corps adventure
happened.
Scrolling through the
hundreds of texts I started to notice patterns. In the time frame I mentioned
11 states that I was in with only 9 flights, though I traveled through 4 time
zones. There were 55 movie quotes and 4 “who am I?” game references, and 3
sporting events updates. I sent him three interview updates, one of which was for
the Peace Corps. We both sent pictures of fresh baked bread and complaints
about driving in snow.
My Dad and I have always
been close. He is the man I admire most and one of the many that I wish I could
call/text every day that I am here. He taught me so many lessons about respect,
love, relationships and perseverance through many lessons. Too many lessons to
put in this one blog adequately, but one of the lessons he taught me is to
value words.
There is a time and place
for shallow, mediocre conversations. To ask about a sports’ team season or
about the record breaking weather. But there also needs to be time for the
in-depth, hard to wrestle questions often kept inside. The questions of
beliefs, morals, and obligations. There is a time to tell jokes and a time to
be serious. Knowing context helps one know what to say when.
55 movie quotes seems like a
lot between a father and daughter. 50 of them were sent in one day from the
same movie. Why? That was the day my brother and I, who were driving across the
country, approached and played on the Field of Dreams in Iowa. While the old
Kevin Costner film may be foreign to non-baseball fans, it’s one that has
brought the Sexton 5 together every baseball season. Thomas and I got to play on the field. The quotes mean more
than just a fun banter between father and kids (for the record Thomas did text
many of them as I was driving.) They show part of the complex, familiar
connection between us.
There are also texts that I
sent when I got lost in Eastern Oregon due to bad GPS skills, traveling over
state borders, building anxiety of interviews, and growing great anticipation
for reconnections over Christmas break. Texts show my own uncertainty, but my
unfaltering trust in my Dad. He responded with better directions, hotel
reservations in multiple states, encouragement and equal (if not greater)
expectant joy.
I still text and talk about
all of these things with people who are within cell phone service. I quote
Disney quotes with friends, vent off frustrations, send \messages #peacecorpslife that only few will truly understand,
and updates when I’ve successfully
reached destination despite any transportation hurdles. Even though I can’t
text my Dad about these things, I’ve realized it is important to text talk: To let others in on your day, To be honest
with what you are feeling, To be genuine with advice and honest with
criticism. To make each text
messages with 120 characters for 35 birr cent count.
While it may be harder for
many of you to believe, I have gotten quieter since being in Peace Corps. I
have been told to speak louder on multiple conversations. I’ve had American and
Ethiopian friends ask me if I’m okay because I didn’t talk much for hours. Part
of this is due to the fact that Tigrigna is still a hard battle to understand
for me. Part of it is due to not being as informed of pop culture as my fellow
peers. However, the real reason, is I’ve finally started to grasp the other
side of the importance of words coin.
I once asked my Dad about
how visiting people who are sick in the hospital goes. He told me simply that
he just listens to what the person has to say. To give advice, he often just
rewards what the person says and tells it back to them. He not only taught me
to give words meaning when I say them, but also to give other’s words meaning
by listening to them. Really listening.
That’s what I’ve been
working on here. To listen to people. To listen to my students when they voice
struggles. To listen to my teachers and understand where they are coming from
before jumping to conclusions. To listen to my fellow Peace Corps Volunteers
joys and struggles so they know they aren’t alone. It’s through listening that
I’ve learned more about others, cultures and myself then articulation.
Words. We say and use
hundred every day for variant degrees of importance. But it’s been through
coming into a culture where I can barely talk to realize that there is a time to talk. To put in one’s two
cents, to play “devil’s advocate,” to share a part of one’s self. To ask
questions to understand better. There is also a time to listen. To hold off speaking
to hear another. A time to hear what the words are trying to get to in order to
really understand the other person. So, be careful with words. Use them when
you need to. Hold off when someone else needs the chance to speak. And value
what can happen through words.
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